Your you...
We all have diferent people living inside of us, or at least i feel like i do and since we judge by what we are, that said we have to speak to ourselves, to our multiple selves.
Mine have but one other voice and many different moods depending on who's on command at the moment.
Let me explain, ever since i've known me, not sure if it's the same with you but i hope it is, i've had another me that i use to debate every subject. He is like talking to the mirror but with a big difference, he's not me because he has no visual representation, only a voice. Many authors may refer to this as your conscience, maybe it is maybe it isn't. I use it as friend, i talk to myself about anything as if i was sitting in the coffee with my closest friend, now i only do this when i'm alone because i find it that he hides from people, or most likely my brain cannot cope with talking to someone and having more than a few other thoughts at the same time.
Moving on from this nonsense, we all have different people inside of us. Just consider that you act differently when you're around friends, people you dislike. Or the most common situation, you're with a familiar, confortable, friend and a hostile stranger pops-in, we immediatly change our self to match the new situation. This is similiar to talking to yourself and hearing an answer, as if you could get those two diferent persons talking to eachother.
Mostly when i'm writing this, i'm talking to one of my selfs, some dark, some cheerful, some wise some not really.
Sometimes it's just confusing...
5.4.07
3.4.07
random thought #4
Your nearest geek...
Being a geek makes eligible to be always available to everyone, and everyone thinks they have the most important problem, and that I is here to serve their needs.
Wich leads us to priorities, everyone thinks they're a priority even tough we seldomly are. Being a geek means that i can read, use google and am not afraid to read manuals. The reason most people ask me things is because they don't even try to solve it by themselves. Now don't get me wrong it's not like i can change a lamp, or my car's brakes, i know how to i just don't have the necessary hand skills. Regarding software that problem doesn't exist, or you'll have to admit you're too stupid to read something.
Being a geek also brings out other questions, people seem to look at you like you're supposed to know everything tech, they're nice to you when they need you and then mock you for being a nerd, that is until they need you again, then you're again promoted to geek. We can do anything because we read you could too.
This also brings a sense of being used and often abused.
Being in a tech saavy company i'm surrounded by fellow geeks, but then there are other breeds here, commercial people, administrative and infrastructure. Commercial are the worst because altough they can read and could understand you if they tried they mostly don't care.
Often i wonder into this thing of being a geek, of people not understading that you enjoy spending a friday night at home playing your most recent acquisition.
When people have a problem they always call their nearest geek, and when they don't know they get angry, and rememeber that they never ask please or if you have the time to give them a hand.
People will be people, as i am too...
Being a geek makes eligible to be always available to everyone, and everyone thinks they have the most important problem, and that I is here to serve their needs.
Wich leads us to priorities, everyone thinks they're a priority even tough we seldomly are. Being a geek means that i can read, use google and am not afraid to read manuals. The reason most people ask me things is because they don't even try to solve it by themselves. Now don't get me wrong it's not like i can change a lamp, or my car's brakes, i know how to i just don't have the necessary hand skills. Regarding software that problem doesn't exist, or you'll have to admit you're too stupid to read something.
Being a geek also brings out other questions, people seem to look at you like you're supposed to know everything tech, they're nice to you when they need you and then mock you for being a nerd, that is until they need you again, then you're again promoted to geek. We can do anything because we read you could too.
This also brings a sense of being used and often abused.
Being in a tech saavy company i'm surrounded by fellow geeks, but then there are other breeds here, commercial people, administrative and infrastructure. Commercial are the worst because altough they can read and could understand you if they tried they mostly don't care.
Often i wonder into this thing of being a geek, of people not understading that you enjoy spending a friday night at home playing your most recent acquisition.
When people have a problem they always call their nearest geek, and when they don't know they get angry, and rememeber that they never ask please or if you have the time to give them a hand.
People will be people, as i am too...
2.4.07
random thought #3
women as cars...
I'm sure that we can metaphore the women we had into car models,
in that metaphore i can say i've driven a 911, a S2000, a Golf tdi, and few more but the would be the most important ones. think about it...
I'm sure that we can metaphore the women we had into car models,
in that metaphore i can say i've driven a 911, a S2000, a Golf tdi, and few more but the would be the most important ones. think about it...
1.4.07
constant thought #1
Suicide...
Suicide is always present, for 5 years now since my life changed due to my actions, when i chose to leave the one person that made me and started to walk trough life on my own. Everyday i feel the darkeness of my soul, every day i light it with feeble candles...
Everytime i feel other than ok i consider it, everytime i look down i see myself diving in, everytime i drive fast i see myself swerving...
I believe it would be so much easier if it would just happen... The truth is nothing really important has ever happened to me, except for the common things most of us experience, love, friendship, work... Nothing truly great... Now that i've chosen a path of knowing myself, alone, i feel utterly hopeless and lost in myself... Suicide... It just feels ok... I've grown used to the idea and more and more i embrace it... I don't have intentions of carrying it trough tough, i still believe that life, given time, will solve itself and make me a happy person again, but sometimes hope just fades...
Suicide...
Suicide is always present, for 5 years now since my life changed due to my actions, when i chose to leave the one person that made me and started to walk trough life on my own. Everyday i feel the darkeness of my soul, every day i light it with feeble candles...
Everytime i feel other than ok i consider it, everytime i look down i see myself diving in, everytime i drive fast i see myself swerving...
I believe it would be so much easier if it would just happen... The truth is nothing really important has ever happened to me, except for the common things most of us experience, love, friendship, work... Nothing truly great... Now that i've chosen a path of knowing myself, alone, i feel utterly hopeless and lost in myself... Suicide... It just feels ok... I've grown used to the idea and more and more i embrace it... I don't have intentions of carrying it trough tough, i still believe that life, given time, will solve itself and make me a happy person again, but sometimes hope just fades...
Suicide...
30.3.07
random thought #2
Respect...
Everyday i feel respected, sometimes abused and mostly taken for granted.
This respect i feel is product of hardwork and good professional relationships. I lead a team and i feel that i've earned their respect, however everytime someone new is introduced you need to earn their respect from scratch. This is tiresome and sometimes annoying. Why don't the people just look arround and behave accordingly!? Not that i actually do this, but i see it as the most efficient way. But people need to test boundries, cross them and if they can't deal with them go back.
So respect is actually nothing more than being stronger than the other, would you respect someone just because they try hard but don't acomplish shit? i know i wouldn't. This resembles fear, and many people have written on that topic, but fear is because you either don't know what the other can do, or its just because you can't do it yourself. Respect is more on the side of, we can both do it, but you just know how better than me....
Everyday i feel respected, sometimes abused and mostly taken for granted.
This respect i feel is product of hardwork and good professional relationships. I lead a team and i feel that i've earned their respect, however everytime someone new is introduced you need to earn their respect from scratch. This is tiresome and sometimes annoying. Why don't the people just look arround and behave accordingly!? Not that i actually do this, but i see it as the most efficient way. But people need to test boundries, cross them and if they can't deal with them go back.
So respect is actually nothing more than being stronger than the other, would you respect someone just because they try hard but don't acomplish shit? i know i wouldn't. This resembles fear, and many people have written on that topic, but fear is because you either don't know what the other can do, or its just because you can't do it yourself. Respect is more on the side of, we can both do it, but you just know how better than me....
random thought #1
People...
People amuse me. Consider this you're a person, same as me, however we always sit in diferent positions due to a very human trait, perspective.
Everyday i have to struggle against you, the people, to make it trough the day with my mind intact. It starts early in the morning when i turn on the tv and see people that must have forfeited their brain, you can sense that they don't act but go on trough life reacting.
This is a behaviour that both puzzles, pisses me off, and causes me envy. I wish i could be like that, senseless, numb, a sheep amongst the crowd, however i can't, wish i could, but i can't!
Wich leads me to a bigger problem: thoughts, thousands of them in the form of goals, doubts, considerations, perpectives. Thoughts have the unique ability to drive you mad, to truly destroy your ability to function.
When I work, i don't think, i just solve the problems presented, consider the options, see the possibilites and then execute, now as this might be quite similar to the act of thinking it's not. Why? Well because thinking involves emotions and worse than that, the external view of yourself. I often try to see myself as other view, to do this i think of others and the switch the roles, however it seldom works and the best part of it is that when it does you can see how pathetic you are, that you're just as flawed as everyone else.
People amuse me. Consider this you're a person, same as me, however we always sit in diferent positions due to a very human trait, perspective.
Everyday i have to struggle against you, the people, to make it trough the day with my mind intact. It starts early in the morning when i turn on the tv and see people that must have forfeited their brain, you can sense that they don't act but go on trough life reacting.
This is a behaviour that both puzzles, pisses me off, and causes me envy. I wish i could be like that, senseless, numb, a sheep amongst the crowd, however i can't, wish i could, but i can't!
Wich leads me to a bigger problem: thoughts, thousands of them in the form of goals, doubts, considerations, perpectives. Thoughts have the unique ability to drive you mad, to truly destroy your ability to function.
When I work, i don't think, i just solve the problems presented, consider the options, see the possibilites and then execute, now as this might be quite similar to the act of thinking it's not. Why? Well because thinking involves emotions and worse than that, the external view of yourself. I often try to see myself as other view, to do this i think of others and the switch the roles, however it seldom works and the best part of it is that when it does you can see how pathetic you are, that you're just as flawed as everyone else.
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