Is it possible to live without being happy?
This course that life took for me, or that I made my life take, presents itself with great professional achievement, plenty of pocket money all the parties I could want but devoid of love...
Devoid of character...
As I've read before, "happiness is only real when shared", how true... I do give this consideration and wonder why is it that I don't pursue this goal more, why is it that I don't go out as much as i can and talk to people i think might be interesting, or say hello to that pretty girl in the train, or even walk around with at least a blueprint of a smile.... The reason is that it seems that my soul has made a decision for my brain, that better lonely than with someone than not you... In the past i'd feel attached to other 'loves' i've had but nothing like this, the being ok with the suffering that loneliness brings, because deep down i know that we won't be again no matter how much i grief or fight, so i run.... Further and further... but i can't run from it when i sleep... It's funny, you know, when i'm awake i just want to fall asleep to make it away when i'm asleep i'm happy because i'm with you and then wake up, turn around and face the emptiness of my bed, a bed that was never ours set amongst walls that never held you...
All this brought me to realize that happiness will be hard to come by, because i don't have you and my soul doesn't seem willing to allow space for someone else, that said all that is left is contempt...
Contempt that you're ok, that i'm doing ok, that life is ok.... never great, never bad, just ok...
and ok isn't enough....
couldn't it just end......
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