control...
Sometimes i loose control of myself, i talk without thinking. Honestly, sometimes i can't believe the shit i say. I can shock myself! This is preceeded by an almost physical feeling, i can feel control slipping away and just fucking up at any chance i'm given.
For sometime i was able to avoid this, by shutting the fuck up, but lately it's just been waaaay too common and too serious for me to ignore, someone is bound to get hurt, and i hardly want it to happen.
I have these moments where i become the troll, the flamer, the guy that no one can stand, and altough that's a part of the way i make humour, it's also a very bad side of me, one that i dislike and almost feel ashamed of...
People are evil. Simple and true. Even good ones when they find a prick can be evil. But when you get to know someone you can get away with things that would get you in serious trouble with most other people. I feel that people tolerate others but they don't accept them, not truly anyway.
We must be at peace with ourselves in order to transmit the idea of security and a notion that you are a calm or at least mildly normal person, i sometimes don't...
I must get a grip, and fuck up less, talk less, act less, and mostly shut the fuck up when i don't have anything to add...
crashing...
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