random thought #37

flaw...
Lately I've been pondering on the how to life my life in a way that i would feel ok with it. I've written here that i should try sideways and not force things forward.
Well, sideways it was, i started to try and flow, problem is i loose track of most things i should do as soon as life starts to close on me.
Ideally you would never be too busy or too idle, but we know that life doesn't allow us to, so we must manage in a single day, two at best, to fit it all in, rest, food, friends, personal errands, new friends, things we must do, and work. This is where i fail, best I've gotten is to an either or situation, i either work or solve everything else. Either way i always feel like crap afterwards because i've failed at something.
Today i failed miserably at accomplishing something for a friend, more than that i neglected a few others... Work has been more than ok...
So that friend told me, you have to learn how to fail a little in both.
While that is true, i can't simply accept failure at work, or at personal life, it aches me to have to make time based decisions.

So and applying the time lesson here, given time things will fall into place. So now that i've laid some of the foundations to being ok, to not fall so low or rise that high for that matter, i think i can try and get some balance in things, for that i need planning and discipline. Discipline is the one thing i never had, i've always been more of a i do what i want in my own way and i couldn't care less...
But i've come to terms with myself to be able to conciliate both, i must discipline myself in order to do all the things i want. So now that i've got a little more free time on my hands, i'll use it as a sandbox to try and make it all fall into place, and to make it work a little better i'll try and write things down and make them when i say i'll make them.
The trick i guess is to not over think the task, but i can't always do that, i will try tough.
This is a big flaw, but given time i hope to be able, not to overcome it but, to cope with it in a way that it no longer cripples my daily life.
flawed...