random thought #22

shame...
I wasn't ashamed of anything until a few years ago, not that i started doing less things that would make me feel ashamed of, just that somehow i changed how i perceived myself to others...
Now i'm changing, evolving if you will, wich means that there is a lack of standards, guidelines if you will...
This means that i can sometimes be ashamed and proud of the very same thing...
In the past i've commited what could be considered by some shameful things, i've hurt other people, let them down, trashed them, toyed with them, then i changed and was even regretful, then i pulled my pants up and became remorseless again. I feel ashamed for very few things in my present life, and none in my past. This raises the question, isn't today tomorrows yesterday? well yes but right now i can't think of it like that, i must take the whole of yesterday from the moment i've stopped and consider it as today.
I feel shameful, and regretful about one thing in my past, i lied a few lines back, those two things were decisive into making me a better person. i'm sorry...
Now, if the two things in my past that i'm not proud of brought me to a better me i'm thinking that shame can lead us to great improvements, shame could potentially be the catalyst for the learning of mistakes...
fragile...