random thought #62

strength...
i've written on this topic before, but it's on a different key now...
I've cried myself out, and i'm ok.
I feel pain inside, and i'm ok.
I've managed to become me again, to have just little enough strength to hold me together.
Every day i think: Just end it. And i'm ok.
Every day i think: I hate myself today. And i'm ok.
I'm frustrated to the point where i can numb myself with it and i'm ok.

This is because i know who i am again. I know where i want to be in me.
Let me explain.
It's clear now, i see how my actions should be, i can live by them. I can make my decisions, i can know who i am.
I am good, in a while i'll be a full grown shielded me. I can hear ONE voice inside, one thought, one path.
It's clear now, i will act the way i feel.
It took a lot of sacrifice to get here, and actually it took the biggest sacrifice of all.
You.
But, although i'm very unsure about this, it was somehow worth it, and definitely necessary.
a long way...