I keep going back, and looking back. Longing for the past without hope for the future.
Everyday I feel that the feeling for suicide is getting more consolidated, more concrete, defined.
I've said before that this feeling has been with me for a very long time, but never before have i felt it like this, so strong...
I find myself making plans for it, elaborate ones, but still plans.
I realize that I don't want to take my life but I do want it to end.
This is mostly because I feel it's pointless, and without a purpose. It's just day after day after day of being alone, without having anyone to share myself with.
I try the best I know to share myself to get myself out there but i can't seem to, somehow it always fails, it's almost comical...
I honestly don't know what else to do, I really don't, and the way it's been lately i can't seem to find joy, or purpose for that matter, in anything... Work, my pseudo friends, parties anything.... it's all grey and bad.
This is affecting me more than i care to admit but still I keep trying to push for something but i have no idea of what that is.
Maybe I should move again, maybe back home although home is a bigger issue, old ghosts waiting....
Lost...
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