random thought #54

empty...
usually this wouldn't be nice feeling.
It's not.
I don't feel happy, i don't feel sad also. I'm not excited or depressed, motivated or frustrated.
It's not that i simply am, it's not that also. Tonight i stopped.
I didn't want to, i didn't plan to, it just happened. This means that i was forced to be still, alone, silent...
It's not good, it's not bad either.
It allows me to wonder what i want, it makes me feel blank. Almost hopeful that i'll get written on... But i don't have hopes, i do have fantasies, but not hopes...
I believe that this is a good thing, the blankness that has settled.
If i only could endure it for a while, a couple of days, a weekend... I feel like something good would happen inside.
Maybe i could be more of what i feel inside, no it's not a contradiction i still have wishes for what i want to be. Maybe it would enable me to act more the way i think...
blank...